You know…it’s always an interesting occurrence when you attempt to break into a new environment…a new group of friends…a new job…a new ‘lifestyle’. How do you stay true to who you are while also doing the supposedly needed modifications? Since when do I need to change the way I view myself? Actually…on that note…I started doing this to celebrate my body and myself. Instead…I’m listening, and believing as gospel, a very opinionated but well-meaning person who laments to me about all the photoshopping he needs to do on my photos and how, “if I ever want to make it” I need to know how to present my nose because…let’s face it “my body is my selling point…not my face”. This doesn’t work for me.
It becomes apparent that I’m letting some of ‘me’ go when a dear friend hears a conversation, recognizes my hurt and anger, and has the incredible ability to reign me back in to what I know is true. I am a beautiful, smart, caring, neurotic, and messy girl/woman. My body is my body and it’s perfect the way it is…especially given what I’ve put it through. My face is my face and plastic surgery is just adding a mask to what is supposed to be.
My career may not matter to those who see me in a specific light and who have (graciously) taken it upon themselves to promote me in the world and for the sake of “fashion” and “modeling”. But my career is important to me. My goal of helping others WILL NOT be hindered by comments that affirm my always-lingering feelings of self-degradation. I’m better than that. This all started to celebrate…and now I find myself afraid of doing the wrong thing for fear pictures will end up where they shouldn’t and goals will be affected. This wasn’t the plan. Now…how to get back to me?
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