The Reality

As previously talked about, I've been a bit out of the loop when it comes to military news, etc. I'm still friends with Mark's mom on facebook though, so some of the things she likes or joins pops up on my page. (Let's be honest...we allll have facebook and know exactly now it works) Today she joined a group for remembering LCpl Anthony DiLisio. I went to the page to find out a bit more. In it I found pictures of Mark and Anthony, comments from friends and loved ones, etc. I also found a link to his girlfriend's page. Her posts after his death were so touching and so incredibly telling.

I tried to find his information on a variety of websites - icasualties.com, washingtonpost, etc but none of them have him listed yet.

It's a weird feeling...the way technology works. To know about someone before the rest of the world..without really knowing the person at all. I can't even begin to imagine what his dear Rachel must be feeling at this point. I can picture the men in dress blues walking up to her door...just as I pictured them walking up to my door night after night.

I suppose, on this day...this Memorial Day, that support and love should be sent out to Rachel and Anthony's family. What a trying time we live in... Here's to the end coming quickly and with no more flag-draped coffins to fly back to the US.

God bless.

Details, Details

After being woken up at the terrifying hour of (gulp) 3:30 am, I find myself unable to fall back asleep instantly. So much has happened and/or is about to happen. Phew...let's recap.

1. Rocked a super shitty viral infection for almost a month. Ugh :( Finally allll better.
2. Figured out just how much debt I'll be in after grad school. Talk about a shit ton...
3. Found a dream job that will pay off that debt mucho quickly. It's called (hopefully) you're looking at, in 2.5 years, an OT down at Camp Pendleton treating TBI anddd PTSD. Double score. With a super sweet salary and government perks. Quadruple score. It'll be strange to be back down there under a (slightly) similar situation. This time I'll actually get to be ON the base. Hah...oh the memories.
4. Graduation is tomorrow - eeepers.
5. R and I...well...yeah.

I dunno...I'm really going to miss R. At the same time though, I can recognize that it's time to move on...whether it's permanent or not remains to be seen I suppose. He was being so amazing for a while but, alas, it has come to an end. I'm actually ok with it this time around. Those of you who have seen me on prior occasions can attest to the fact that it's been oh-so-rough in the past. This is a bit different however. I'm certainly mourning the separation but am at (pretty much) peace regarding it. So I guess that's good. I mean...we only had a few more weeks anyways.

I always forget who knows about this blog and then find myself trying to remember and censor accordingly. Meh...here's the deal...this is mine. This is me. And yes, if you're one of a few people that might know about the blog, you could possibly be...well...rather upset. Same time though, if you don't want to read it...then don't. Plus, most of you (like 2 people ;) should know how I feel about the situation.

That being said...the house is FINALLY calmed down!!!! A has moved out at long last and I can finally breathe easy. It got really dicey near the end and I found myself holding my tongue much more than I'm a fan of doing. There are SO many things I'd enjoy sharing with A...alas, one of us had to be the bigger person ;)

Graduation is tomorrow - at long last. It's weird because I've been done with school for a while and we're just now graduating. Meh. I'm really glad I turned down speaking at it though...no one wants to listen to a student speak during a 3.5 hour long ordeal of doom. That being said, it would have made a cool thing to put on my resume and tuck away for reflection later. Plus, it's on my bucket list to increase the number of people I've talked in front of. My current record is only about 350 :( Here's to the conferences yet to come. Yay business trips!

Chatted with an old friend for a while a bit ago. Damn that time difference though - ugh. He's one of the VERY few I'll make an exception for and he knows it. Grrrr. ;) Anyways, we were talking about how much I've changed (for the better) over the past few years and I think it's quite true. I'm pleased with who I'm becoming and recognize that I've still got A TON of work to do. They say grad school is a time to grow...we shall see.

I think I'm finally ready to fall back asleep after the call. Here's to the dark night with the bright moon shining through. Here's to you and all that you have and continue to accomplish - whomever you are.

Pics to be attached at a more appropriate hour.

M Day

So it's almost Mother's Day and the post secrets for it are already up online. Naturally, I've looked and picked out ones that speak to me. As a precursor, it's important to say that while this secret applied to me much of my childhood, I'm so blessed and happy to have a god relationship with my madre now. (Both of my parents actually). (PS - the card says 'heroin' but I, upon first glance, read it as 'heroine' as in...of a novel...The drug part doesn't apply. The being more invested in her books than me...a bit of application potential.)

That being said, this postcard really did hit a chord with me and reminded me of a certain loneliness I experienced as a kiddo. It also reminded me of all the guilt my mom feels when she reflects back on the same time. So tomorrow, I validate her and how far she's come. Her card should have arrived today and in it I thanked her for our closeness now. Everyone makes mistakes and I'm glad to have found a confidant in my mother at long last. (Thank god for a mutual hatred of family therapy!!)

...With...Disdain

Anyone who knows me well knows that, while I hate confrontation, even more so, I hate being degraded and talked down to. Sadly, this has become a recurrent theme at our house lately and, I fear, will carry through to the end of our lease. Part of me is mourning - mourning the loss of an associate, the safety and simplicity of our house, etc. More than that though, I'm livid. I'm beyond frustrated at the situation and the person that it's most intimately associated with...scratch that...make that people.



I will not tolerate being verbally assaulted.



I will not tolerate being afraid to move about my own house.



I will not tolerate the look of utter disgust that you present to me each and every time you see me.



I WILL NOT apologize for things I have not done or transgressions you falsely accuse me of.



In fact, it's YOU who should be apologizing. You should be the one helping us find a new roommate. You should be the one who puts the empty toilet paper roll in the recycling. You should be the one to do your chores. You should be the one respecting your housemates in your incessant and unending sex-capades that can be heard through a door, up the stairs, and over a loud movie. You should be the one attempting to reconcile...to clean up your oil stain...to treat those you live with with at least respect and civility. Because this...what you're doing now...is nothing close to that.



As I sit listening to your potluck in the backyard...that you invited all of our mutual friends to...except for S, J, and I, I realize something. Despite wishing to say hello to my friends down there, I'm relieved to not be there dealing with you. I've heard you talk shit about more than one person you now sit giggling with.



I'm sorry for the lost friendship but, more than that, I'm sorry I let you take my dignity..even for just a few days. No more. This is my house...just as much as it is yours...and possibly more...since, after all, it IS my parents' names on the lease. Isn't that how it goes? Hmmmm.

Blatant Disregard

I was texting M today (I know, I know - bad me) and he was giving me a brief rundown of the past little bit over in A-town (Afghanistan). I was rather surprised...

I pride myself on keeping up-to-date on current events and global news. How is it that I've missed the numerous soldiers who have given their lives in the past months? It seems as though the news is kinda over it. Unless it's a local station that has lost a local guy, no station gives a damn.

As much as I don't support the war, even more than that, I fully support our troops. They do something I'd never have the guts, strength, or discipline in the face of extreme duress to face.

I guess the moral of this story is that it's not over yet and we shouldn't forget them. As a future OT who wants desperately work with veterans dealing with TBI and/or PTSD, I'm embarrassed and saddened by the country's lack of respect and care.

So, strange though it is, here's one for M...who has promised to return home safely. No matter what.. Because, let's be honest...for all the shit he's put me through, ranting I've done about it, and all the anger and sadness I've felt towards him, he'll always be my Impossible Jerk and I'll always care for him.