Today was one of those days I'm glad only come around rarely (fingers crossed). Life and I have had quite a good relationship lately. We laugh together, hold hands, eat french toast, etc. It's really quite cute. Today...today things turned ugly. Mucho ugly.
Within an hour I went from totally fine to in hyper freak-out mode. Suddenly I was Madeline and everything was not right...it was quite wrong! Here's the kicker though...I knew that my thoughts were entirely irrational. In fact, I could create very logical and probable reasons for what I was anxious about. It didn't seem to matter though. What has subsequently bothered me slightly more than those fears themselves...is the fact that I'm not entirely sure as to what set it all off. That's a scary scary feeling to not know why you're feeling a certain way.
For the first time in a long time, I did not want to be around me. I didn't feel so fabulous knowing that I had to sit with myself...confused...and upset. See...normally, if a car breaks down and you don't know why, you can get out of the car, send it off to someone to fix, and not have to deal with it. Not quite the same when it's yourself.
Definitely a weird day and while my concerns have neither been confirmed or gotten rid of, I feel slightly more in control of myself. Hooray for that and hooray for continuing to work on creating a 'self' that I can stand to be around for the rest of my life ;)
To help, I spent the evening with Jenna and we ate num-nums and I tried on Anthropologie dresses because that always always always makes me feel better...and it did :)
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